One of the more annoying things about #GamerGate is trying to explain how it definitely started as a harassment campaign, but has long since migrated past that. It really sounds like the plot of a terrible sitcom episode. Based on that, I wrote the following.
George suspects that his girlfriend is cheating on him with a games journalist. So he writes a shitpost about the guy, starting a protest of a bullshit ethics complaint. The movement takes off, as people who legitimately care about ethics in games journalism and progressive games writing pick up banners. It starts to steamroll out of control, as George’s dad takes up the cause like a religion.
Frank: I refuse to live in a world where I can’t kill the hookers in GTA after they have sex with me!
George: But… you don’t even have a Playstation, dad.
Frank: IT’S THE PRINCIPLE!
Jerry tries to talk George into calling off the dogs, but George is embracing his new role as a de facto leader.
Jerry: But seriously? THIS is the stuff I’m supposed to be angry about? SHE GIVES THE GAME AWAY FOR FREE.
George: These people are all outraged! All the time! These people are my people, Jerry, and I am their King!
Jerry: So what you’re saying is, it’s a leaderless movement.
Kramer discovers that he can earn money on Patreon just shit talking other people who earn money from Patreon.
Kramer: It’s gold, Jerry! Gold!
Jerry: It’s just Reddit Gold, ya moron.
Jerry tries to distance himself from the whole thing, but he discovers that everytime he says “What’s the deal with Ethics in Games Journalism?” in his act, the crowd goes nuts. He keeps riding the issue, feeling guilty about it. He tries to stay as neutral as he can.
Jerry: And what’s the deal with Kotaku? I mean, ethics, schmethics, why do they keep running stories on weird Japanese shit I don’t understand?
Elaine goes to KiA intending to tell them they’re all wrong, but along the way, gets flushed and flattered, and becomes a proud member of #NotYourShield. This lasts until she mentions that she thinks Bayonetta is ‘a little bit sexist’, at which point she is disowned, her house is swatted, and her mailbox fills with gorror porn.
Kramer writes an angry letter to his landlord that is accidentally massively sexist. Return of Kings invites him to be a regular correspondent.
The whole time, George finds it impossible to keep the angry mob under control and focused on games ethics. Near the end, we discover that Newman is trying to shanghai the movement to harass feminists from his secret command base on 8chan.
Newman: Hello, Jerry.
Jerry: But why?
Newman: The postal service hates feminists, Jerry. If they win, no more Playboys to deliver. No more Maxim, Cosmo or Victoria’s Secret catalogs. And then I’m just a junk mail delivery boy. And that’s just a life without meaning.
Jerry: You do realize you can get porn on the Internet now, right?
Based on this revelation, Jerry and Elaine decides to go onto the David Pakman show to disavow the movement. Unfortunately, he promises his fashion designer friend that he will wear a shirt of her design. The puffy shirt she gives him is a little bit tacky.
Jerry is contrite and eloquent. He talks about how he’s sorry, how everyone should be, and how people should all be worrying about more important things, like Net Neutrality, ISIS, Ebola, or the fact that Assassin Creed: Unity was clearly shipped before it was ready. People are genuinely moved. Things start to calm down.
Jerry: Can’t we all just get along?
David Pakman: Indeed. Certainly now, we can all agree it is time to move past all this.
Elaine: Isn’t that shirt just a little bit sexist?